Just recently, I read shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/true-dating-confession-i-m-worried-that-i-ll-never-get-married-334309/" target="_blank">a blog from someone who feared she would never get married. Like this blogger, I feel the same way. I’m only 23 (well, almost), but I’ve seen several of my friends get hitched, even though I’ve been in a relationship the longest. What gives? Fear of commitment? Fear of marriage? Fear on behalf of my boyfriend of taking the plunge and getting on one knee? Who knows. No matter, I still feel as if I will never get married.

Sometimes, it feels like both my boyfriend and I have commitment issues. Sure, we have no problem getting close, but sometimes, it feels like when we get TOO CLOSE, we push away from each other and fights ensue. And sure, last November 5, we had a lovely little commitment ceremony on a very blustery, freezing, and dark evening, but actual marriage seems like a distant goal. And heck, we plan on living together very soon (hopefully by January), but there’s “living together” and then there’s living together.  “Living together” is like playing house. You can come and go as you please, go home to mummy and daddy whenever, fight and breakup, and that’s that. But then there’s living together, through better, for worse, forever. No breaking up; no playing house. It is house! Catch my drift? I don’t want to play house. I want to be a wife, a graduate student, and I want to be an actual adult taking care of things like actual adults do. I don’t want to be someone who, when the going gets tough, we part ways and go crawling back home. Uh-uh, not my style.

Today, I read about another friend of mine who got married. How nice! Then I look at myself and wonder why it hasn’t happened for me. Am I too overbearing? Too much of a pushover? too cynical? Needy? Am I pushing things too much? Maybe I am, because I have my wedding theme, I know how I want my wedding dress to look, I’ve chosen my wedding party, what the bridesmaid dresses would look like, my flowers, jewelry, veil, where I want to get married, where I want my honeymoon… maybe too much planning puts a nail in the engagement coffin? But I’m a Capricorn, I like to plan and have things orderly. Heck, I even know how I can save money and cut corners! Maybe I am pushing things a little?

I do, however, wish to have a ring on my finger. I would take a long engagement over a rushed marriage. I see my friends and their rings and I want one, too. Each month/year that goes by, I feel a little let down by the fact that I’m not officially engaged yet. I’m so pathetic.

I do, however, cite family issues as one roadblock toward marital bliss. My boyfriend’s family and I just do not get along, and I don’t see that as a possiblity anytime soon. Sure, I’m willing to suffer for my boyfriend’s sake, he already does it for me, but whenever I think of his family, I instantly feel sick. His sister text-messages me threatening me. His mom yells at me and blames me for everything. His dad questions me like a criminal. I feel like poo on the bottom of their holier-than-thou shoes, and I shouldn’t be made to feel that way. My boyfriend ran off to another state recently–on his own. Without me. Who got blamed? Me! I was the devil incarnate! All I did was call his house asking if he was there and I knew was that he went home to get his contact lenses and that he was coming straight back to campus. I called back when he never showed and it was my fault! Not to mention the countless other crap… *shudders* I feel uneasy and uncomfortable, and frankly, I don’t want to be where I’m not wanted. My boyfriend and I fought over this recently, and he lashed out at me saying “it wouldn’t be this way if everything didn’t have to be based on your terms!” Pardon? I went over there when he asked; I went to a wedding with him and got treated like crap; he left me alone at his house where I got treated like crap; I was questioned endlessly! Where are my terms!? My boyfriend threatened to breakup with my if I didn’t go to breakfast with him and his family one year for Christmas! My terms!?!? Where!? I feel anxious whenever his family comes up and I prefer to be left out of their little soirees and dramas. I’m just with their son, not them. As far as I am concerned, I don’t need to be involved. They can see me in passing, at the wedding, maybe a holiday… but please, leave me out. I don’t want to be where I am not wanted. They don’t think too highly of me and they’re the first group of people to ever have a poor opinion of me. Go figure.

Some families don’t get along with some significant others and the relationships survive. Limited contact. I’ve known several relationships that have survived this way… my parents’ marriage, my brother’s current marriage (we approved of his last wife), countless friends, and extended family members marriages; parents and significant others didn’t mix, but the relationships survived.

I dunno. What do you guys think? Help me out here! Email me, Marisol, at sketchinghouseonline@gmail.com with your opinions.

Love always!

Tags: Bliss, Blogs, Engagement, Family, House, Marriage, Married, Rant, Wedding, Wedding Rings, yahoo Shine